Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Packing away maternity clothes

Yesterday, I went shopping for new work clothes.  I can't wear maternity clothes forever.  I bought 4 pairs of pants, but I only like 2 of them.  I have spent my afternoon packing away my maternity clothes into different totes - sorted by season and style.  I am slowly getting my life back to normal - whatever that might be.

It's a wierd feeling to put and end to that chapter of my life.  I waited for a long time to start our family.  I remember finding out I was pregnant.  I was at work and I had a test in the desk (just in case).  I took it and it was positive.  I stood there in disbelief.  The previous night, Mike and I had talked about whether or not we were ready to try.  We'd been in the house for almost a month.  I realized that I needed to quickly get ready to face my employees, and Keith walked in.  I have never had a good poker face so I told him.  He was the first one I told.  I didn't want to tell Mike over the phone.  I stayed at work until 2 o'clock that day (which I thought was really good!).  I stopped at Walgreen's on the way home and bought another test.  I figured that I could let the test tell Mike!  

Fast forward to my first ultrasound.  What the doctor saw on the screen didn't jive with my date, so they scheduled another one.  My heart dropped to think that I could have another miscarriage.  Then the second ultrasound came and they wanted to schedule a third ultrasound.  By the time the third ultrasound came, I was confident that everything was going to be okay.

Then, we got to tell everyone!  Grandma Rhoads didn't believe us, while Grandpa Rhoads couldn't contain himself!  Debbie screamed at Red Lobster.  Pat hugged me and rubbed my belly!  It was such a happy time.

The holidays were special this year.  Mike and I made plans for next year - promising that we were going to spend time at home, with our family.  

After that, I had my two baby showers.  Holly threw one for my side of the family and Debbie threw one for her side of the family.  I couldn't believe all of the beautiful clothes we received.  I couldn't wait to dress Abigail in them!

After she was born, I was in shock.  The first week is a blur in my memory.  Running back and forth to the hospital was exhausting.  I wanted to bring her home with me so bad.  Having Mom stay here for a few days was wonderful!  She cooked and cleaned my house, and she got up with me in the middle of the night - even though I was nursing and she couldn't really help much.  

Since then, we've accomplished a lot.  Abby has been breastfeeding since we brought her home, and that was a huge challenge.  She's starting to sleep a little longer at night, which is really nice.  Last week, she started smiling!  I have been cherishing all of the time I get to spend with her.

Looking back at all of this today, while I am putting these clothes away, I am not ready for it all to be over.  It seems as though there is a strange time-warp.  The act of packing this all away makes it seem further away than it should be.  All of a sudden, 2 months feels like a long time, and it feels like it only lasted 5 minutes.  I don't know how to describe it.  

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day

This is my last long holiday weekend before I go back to work.  It's hard to believe that I am going back in only 8 days.  It will be very wierd to see all of the customers again.  I had pretty much told them that I was not coming back.  I really thought I was done with that place.  

We stayed home Friday night, because my truck wouldn't start.  We were supposed to go see Grandma Pat, but ended up watching tv.  Saturday, we went to my mom's house and hung out there.  Sunday, we hung out next door with Patti.  Today, we're not doing much except probably cleaning house.  The more work we get done today, the more time I can enjoy spending with Abby this week.  I don't know what we'll do.  I think we might go shopping for some work clothes for me - seeing as how I am not in my pre-pregnancy clothes yet!

It's hard to believe that Abby will be 8 weeks old next week.  I have really felt like being a bum for the last two months.  I haven't wanted to go anywhere or see anyone.  I want to stay home and take care of Abby and clean my house.  I haven't even taken very many pictures of her - and that's really out of character for me!  I am hoping that getting into a routine with work and my new family will help to make me feel human again.  I feel like the last 6 weeks have just been a strange time-void that didn't really happen.  I don't know how to describe this.

Since Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer, I am starting to think about what this summer will bring.  In three weeks, my two cousins, Kevin and Becky, will be celebrating their high-school graduation!  That makes me feel old...Also, in three weeks, Mike will experience his first Father's Day, and that will be the day that Abigail will be baptized.  After that, we'll have 4th of July, which is always fun with Mason and Brandon!  A few weeks after that will be the women's float trip (WFT) - my annual unload-all-the-stress-and-have-time-just-for-me mini vacation.  I am looking forward to that, but don't know if I want to leave Abby.  After that, Holly will hopefully start teaching, and we'll have to find something to do with Abigail.  It seems like such a short time from now, and I am sure it will pass in the blink of an eye.  Then, we'll have Labor Day and summer will be over.

Hopefully, I will have lots of pictures to post from all of these occasions!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Abby is almost 6 weeks old

Abby is almost 6 weeks old already! I can't believe it. We had our first Mother's Day - which was so busy. We went to my mom's and Mike's mom's to see the extended family. We were gone all day, and I didn't see much of Abby because we were sharing her with all the family who hadn't seen her yet.

I go back to work in 2 weeks, ughh! I am going back to Creve Coeur Camera, which will definitely keep me busy. I am not looking forward to being away from Abby, but what can I say, being grown up sucks! I have so much stuff I still need to accomplish before I go back. I haven't tried on any non-maternity clothes, I haven't finished sending out thank-you cards or birth announcements, and I need to sort through Abby's clothes to separate out what doesn't fit her. In addition, I wanted to clean the office and file all of our bills and paperwork (I need a file for Abby's important documents). I also wanted to go to the doctor to see what I did to my knees - they've been hurting me since March! I am so not ready to go back to work!!!

On the bright side, Abby will be baptized in 2 weeks! I am really looking forward to that! I can't decide on a gown for her. Grandma Pat has offered to create a gown for her out of my wedding dress. I think it's a really neat idea, but am not sure I am ready to part with my dress. It's silly, because until Pat offered that, I didn't even know where my dress was. I am never going to wear it again, and Abby probably won't, either. It would be a type of heirloom for Abby, and that would be really cool. Cutting it up is just so final...

Other than that, we're doing pretty well. We generally have our routine - except last night Abby didn't go back to sleep after the 3 a.m. feeding. I have been up since then. Oh well, maybe I can get her to take a long nap this afternoon...

Monday, May 7, 2007

A lot going on...

Abby is doing really well! She’s only getting me up once in the middle of the night, and she doesn’t cry very much at all. She is very alert during the day. The only complaint I have is that she doesn’t seem to sleep very deep, and if I have to put her in the crib because she fell asleep on me, she will wake up. If she falls asleep on me (or Mike), we’re pretty much stuck there until she wakes up. I have been breastfeeding, and that is going really well. We don’t fight very much anymore.

I am trying to figure out what to do with my job. Mike wants me to go back to CCC, but I REALLY don’t want to. I don’t want to be away from Abby that much. I don’t want to be an hour away from my newborn baby, and I don’t want to give up breastfeeding that early. I don’t want to put her in daycare – which, if I go to CCC we can avoid if I work every weekend and Mike works 4 10-hour days, with his mom watching Abby on Fridays – but that leaves me and Mike without ANY time off together, and me missing out on any extracurricular activities (like family reunions, trips to Arkansas to see Mike’s family, graduation parties, camping trips, etc.). I am just not happy with that at all.

My other options are to find a Monday-Friday job, which would put Abby in day care but give us time as a family on the weekends. I wanted to work part-time somewhere, but it’s hard to find something that will work around Mike’s schedule and make the amount of money we need to make it work. It’s one big freaking puzzle and it really bums me out.

In addition to the stress of figuring out my employment, my car has been broken all last week. I had a job interview on Friday at a bank, but I never made it because I wrecked Holly’s car. I totaled it! I hydroplaned on 55 and hit a truck and a concrete wall. I was very lucky, I walked away without a scratch, but I feel really bad for Holly and Gary. They weren’t ready to undertake a task like replacing Holly’s car.

In the meantime, I haven’t yet rescheduled the bank interview, and am not sure it’s even worth it. I am very discouraged!