So, I got my new job and gave my notice of resignation at my old job. I am now filled with mixed feelings and anxiety - which I am sure is normal. I have a lot of positive things to say about my job at CCC, and feel a lot like I am saying goodbye to a good friend. I know that sounds wierd. I tell myself that it's time for a change, and that the entire reason that I have even been looking for a new job is to spend more time with Abby - but I do enjoy my current job, and am scared to give that up. I am sure that this has a lot to do with leaving the last job I enjoyed (at Qualex) for a job I was completely miserable at (which was CMS). I am scared that Clarkson is going to be boring.
I feel like I am at the top of the cliff at the offsets (for anyone who's never been there - here's a brief description) - having climbed the nearly vertical muddy wall to get to the top and looking down at the water beneath me. I look down and realize that jumping into the water is really the fastest and safest way to get back to my inner tube - because climbing down the vertical wall would surely be treacherous - but also that I am afraid of the water and I never should've climbed this stupid hill and agreed to jump off just to make my dad proud of me.
I write all of that to explain that I know I need to leave CCC and give the job at Clarkson a shot. I know that I will never be satisfied where I am if I don't experience the time I could be spending with Abby. I am terrified to quit - because I love what I do and the people I work with - but I don't see any other way to be happy in the long run.
As my time dwindles down - I am filled with anxiety. I wonder who is going to run my store? What will happen to the customers that I have tried so hard to build relationships with? What about the employees that I have tried to coach into the salespeople that I know we need? And I also worry about the Edwardsville store and how that will affect my store. In addition, I wonder how I will like my new boss? I am completely comfortable with Pete - and I enjoy working for him. What if I don't feel the same way about Kris?
I also think about the other benefits I am giving up - like working in an environment that doesn't feel like work because I get to print my pictures, borrow equipment, play with new cameras, teach people how to take better pictures and build relationships with people. I am getting paid to play with cameras and make friends. And I am giving this up...
But then I look at Abby and think about taking her camping. I want to take her to play outside. Last week, we spent an hour in our driveway where she pushed her baby stroller around and climbed in and out of her own stroller. She had such a good time, and I wondered how it would feel to be able to do that all the time?
I am tired of scheduling my social life around sales and inventory and other people's vacations. I can finally have a normal schedule and get to just take for granted that I can go to a graduation party, even if it is on a Saturday. I tell myself that I will feel very liberated - but I have been retail for so long, that I don't even know if I can imagine how that will feel. I might not even know if I like it until I do if for a month or two. I am not looking forward to working 5 days in a row - and I already know that Friday is the busiest day at Clarkson...that seems so backwards.
I will probably type more later. Thanks for reading.