I have done a lot of soul searching, and in the end - I still feel obligated to take the clarkson job. There is no joy in this for me. I was all psyched up to tell Pete I was staying at CCC, and then I talked to my sister. She told me that if I don't show up, it's going to reflect poorly on her (which I already knew), and that she was going to be mad at me. My mom also made some comment about Holly's reputation, while giving me a look that could kill, and I realized that I didn't feel like I had a good way out of this. I expected both of them to stand behind me and tell me to do what I needed to do, but I didn't get that from either of them.
I am going to tell Pete on Monday that I can't be happy at CCC if I don't explore the option of spending more time with Abby, and I pray that I am making the right decision. Someone I really respect told me that I am in a bad position, and that there is probably not a right or wrong answer. That is how I feel. I can only hope that two months later, I am happy with my decision. Right now, it feels wrong.