Sunday, February 17, 2008

Frustration

So, it's been 8 months since I went back to work, and I don't like it. I feel that I am missing out on so much with Abby, and this is time I can't get back. I thought that I would find some sort of 30-hour part-time work week job, making $10.00 per hour and be able to have more time with Abby. I have been looking for a few months now, and I am not having any breaks. I have had a few interviews, but even when I have had an interview, I haven't gotten any call-backs. I don't know what my problem is - I used to be very good at interviewing. I am tired of job-hunting. I have been doing it for about 5 years, pretty much non-stop. I am not happy with where I am. I thought that going to college was supposed to be the way to get a good job, but my degree seems worthless (and that's what I tell the alumni association every time they call me). I am so desperate for something else, that I am considering going back to school, but that's going to rob me of even more time with Abigail. I am ready to start trying to get pregnant again, but the thought of working one more Christmas at my current job makes me ill. In the grand scheme of my life, I want to have my second baby now - but in the day-to-day, I know that I would be miserable. How do I figure out what is right for me?

I keep giving myself goals, like, I want to be out of my current job by Jan. 27th - and that didn't happen. I then decided that I wanted to be out by Feb. 17th - and that's today. I have failed with that goal, too. This is really starting to take it's toll on me, and I find it hard to be positive. I really think that even if someone called me tomorrow for an interview, it would be hard for me to do well in the interview because I feel like it's pointless anyway - they're not going to call me back...

Of course, a lot of this could be PMS right now. Maybe I am not as angry as I feel right now. Maybe it's amplified by my hormones. I certainly hope that's the case, because then I could hope to feel better in a few days. We'll see.

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