I have my annual women's float trip this weekend. For those that don't know, it's a 20-year-old tradition started by my mom and her sisters, cousins and friends. They used to tent-camp and float in tubes. It was much more rustic then. Now, we rent a cabin in a state park and spend a lot of time in the air conditioned cabin with 4 bedrooms and 2 full baths. We have a full kitchen, missing only a microwave. We eat a lot, drink a lot, and laugh a lot. We still float, but we don't do it on Saturday or Sunday, to avoid the crowds. We listen to good music, tell stories, bitch about our jobs, husbands, kids, cars or whatever else is eating at us. The women who go are all friends and family, and there are no men or children allowed. It's a wonderful experience.
Normally, I am so excited by now that I can't sit still, but I am just not in the right mood or frame of mind for this. I have been torn about this ever since I found out I was pregnant - figuring that I wouldn't know if I was going until it got close (depending on if Abby was still nursing, how I would feel about leaving her, if I would even be able to get off work, etc.). Well, I am leaving tomorrow and am still not feeling like I even want to go.
I usually ride with Holly, but she's not going this year. I have talked to my Aunt Laurie about riding with her, and maybe that's not a bad idea. I just feel so torn about the whole thing, that I hate to partner up with someone, which could potentially commit me to staying the entire weekend, when I might feel like leaving earlier. I really hate relying on other people. My mom taught me to be responsible for myself, so that I could be in control of my own destiny. I have always had anxiety about riding in cars with other people if I am not driving. I have control issues... :)
Anyway, I haven't packed, or shopped for what I would bring. I can't say with absolute certainty that I am going, although I am sure it's probably the best thing I can do right now. I do miss spending time with my family, especially mom. I just am not sure that I am ready to be away from Abby for a whole weekend. What if she grows while I am gone?